What Do You Do When You Can’t Fix the Relationship? | Joel Rainey | Sermon Notes — Hello Pastor

Sermon Notes

What Do You Do When You Can’t Fix the Relationship?

Covenant Church • Oct 4, 2026 • 46 min

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Take this message with you through a journey of Scripture, reflection, and prayer.

Summary

In this message, Pastor Joel Rainey explores the painful and growing reality of estrangement between parents and adult children. Drawing from Ephesians 6 and biblical examples like David, Eli, and the Prodigal Son, he addresses both parental responsibility to avoid provoking exasperation and adult children's command to honor their parents. Grounded in the hope of the gospel, the teaching encourages self-reflection, boundary-respecting love, and trusting God's grace for healing.

Themes

Parent-Child EstrangementParental ResponsibilityHonoring ParentsConflict ResolutionGospel Reconciliation

Pastor's Points

1.

1. Start with yourself.

2.

2. Continue to love from a distance.

3.

3. Put your hope in the gospel of Christ.

Key Points

1.
Parental estrangement is a painful and growing trend across society, including within Christian families.
2.
Scripture contains many tragic stories of estranged parent-child relationships, showing that even biblical leaders like David and Eli faced family heartbreak.
3.
Parents are instructed in Ephesians 6:4 not to provoke or exasperate their children, but to raise them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
4.
Parental exasperation can come from unreasonable demands, constant criticism, boundary violations, favoritism, neglect, or placing politics and control above the child.
5.
Children are commanded to obey their parents in childhood, but honoring parents is a lifelong obligation that transcends age.
6.
Honoring parents does not require pretending bad behavior never happened, but it means maintaining respect for the office and position God gave them.
7.
Every parent will eventually fail or wound their child to some degree because all parents are sinners; ordinary human imperfection must be distinguished from systemic abuse.

Sermon Moments

“Joshua Coleman notes that while some parents are abusive, you can also be a conscientious parent and your child may still want nothing to do with you when they are older.”

“Authority in the home is God-ordained; authority is not evil, abuse, or toxicity.”

“Children are on loan to parents from God to be raised for His glory, not for parental self-actualization.”

“Obedience belongs primarily to childhood, but honor belongs to a lifetime.”

“Every parent will wound their child eventually because parents are sinners living in a broken world.”

“It is God's job to judge, the Holy Spirit's job to convict, and our job to love.”

This Week

Examine your own heart and ask God if there is any personal behavior or attitude that contributed to family tension.

If you are a parent, evaluate whether you are unintentionally provoking or exasperating your children through unrealistic expectations or criticism.

If you are an adult child, choose to honor your parents by speaking respectfully about them, even if healthy boundaries are currently required.

Refrain from lecturing or offering quick unsolicited advice to families walking through painful estrangement.

Differentiate between ordinary parental flaws and true abuse, refusing to let cultural trends ruin family ties over minor offenses.

Choose to love estranged family members from a distance through prayer, posture, and a spirit ready for reconciliation.

Surround struggling family members with prayer and compassionate community support throughout the coming week.

Remember This

While estrangement between parents and children brings deep heartbreak, believers are called to self-examination, ongoing honor, and steadfast love anchored in the reconciling power of the gospel.

A Challenge for You

Do not lecture or make snap judgments about families facing estrangement; instead, surround them with support and prayer, asking the Holy Spirit to bring wisdom and reconciliation.

These are personal sermon notes shared to help you remember the message — not a replacement for Scripture, your church, or your pastors.