Can We Talk? | Bryan L. Carter | Sermon Notes — Hello Pastor

Sermon Notes

Can We Talk?

Bryan L. Carter

Concord Church Dallas • Apr 21, 2026 • 44 min

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Take this message with you through a journey of Scripture, reflection, and prayer.

Summary

In this message on biblical communication, Pastor Bryan L. Carter explores how our words carry the power of life and death in our marriages and daily relationships. Drawing from the book of Proverbs and relationship research, the teaching presents five foundational principles: being positive, avoiding reckless words, watching your tone, managing your emotions, and becoming an active listener. Ultimately, believers are encouraged to look to Jesus as the supreme model of communication and rely on Him to redeem and guide their words.

Themes

Biblical CommunicationMarriage & RelationshipsPower of WordsEmotional MaturityActive ListeningConflict Resolution

Pastor's Points

1.

Be positive

2.

Avoid reckless words

3.

Watch your tone

4.

Manage your emotions

5.

Be a good listener

Key Points

1.
Our words are never neutral; they are either building up or tearing down, healing or wounding, drawing people together or pushing them apart.
2.
Healthy relationships require an emotional bank account that maintains a ratio of five positive interactions for every one negative interaction.
3.
Four reckless communication habits—criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling—serve as major withdrawals that can destroy a relationship.
4.
How a conversation begins largely determines how it will end, making a gentle tone essential to turning away wrath.
5.
Wisdom involves managing your emotions rather than letting rage, impulse, or immaturity dictate your words during conflict.
6.
Deep conflict often triggers three underlying fears or questions: Am I enough? Am I loved? Am I safe?
7.
True listening requires being present, aiming to understand rather than to win, and reflecting back what the other person expressed.
8.

Sermon Moments

“Words shared in relationships are never neutral—they are either building or tearing down, healing or wounding, drawing together or pushing apart.”

“An emotional bank account requires far more positive deposits than withdrawals to sustain a healthy relationship.”

“The four relationship withdrawals to avoid are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.”

“How a conversation begins largely determines how it is going to end.”

“Underneath many arguments are three deeper emotional questions: Am I enough? Am I loved? Am I safe?”

“To answer before listening—that is folly and shame. Listen to understand, not to win.”

“A daily check-in asks three simple questions: What was the best part of your day? What was the hardest part? How can I support you tomorrow?”

“When Jesus saves us, He saves our tongues too, empowering us to use our words to build and not break down.”

This Week

Choose one of the five communication principles to intentionally practice throughout this coming week.

Maintain a 5:1 positive ratio by making daily emotional deposits through encouraging words, acts of service, or small gifts.

Eliminate reckless communication habits such as character attacks, sarcasm, eye-rolling, defensiveness, or silent stonewalling.

Focus on addressing the specific problem during a disagreement rather than attacking your partner's character.

Take a 20- to 30-minute cooling-off period when high emotions arise, reassuring your partner that you will return to resolve the issue calmly.

Practice active listening by turning off distractions, seeking to understand your partner's heart, and reflecting back what you heard.

Establish a 10-minute daily check-in with your spouse or loved one, asking about the best part of their day, the hardest part, and how you can support them tomorrow.

Remember This

Life and death are in the power of the tongue, and through Jesus Christ, we are given the grace to control our words to build up and bring life to our relationships.

A Challenge for You

Pick one of these five principles to practice this week in your marriage, family, or friendships, and let Jesus transform the way you speak to build up those around you.

These are personal sermon notes shared to help you remember the message — not a replacement for Scripture, your church, or your pastors.